my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
