I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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