I molested 6 butterflies tonight
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
