when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
