upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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