my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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