I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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