we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize