Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize