Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
