You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
