So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
