hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
