If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
