did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
