just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
