He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
