I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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