I accidentally had phone sex last night
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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