I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
where are my eyebrows?
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