Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
