yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
