Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
