i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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