Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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