i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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