Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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