We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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