Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
