Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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