He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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