hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
