do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
