Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I need a beard to bite.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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