drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
