who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Found the puke drawer
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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