Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
