he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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