Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
