If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
