she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
