You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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