You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
