something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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