he thought i was a dude.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
