Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
