sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
