"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
