im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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