This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
