I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
