This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
