I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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