god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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