Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
