Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize