Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?

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(540): View more from Virginia

is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?

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(817): View more from Texas

So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe

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(407): View more from Florida

We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."

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(269): View more from Michigan

I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals

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(407): View more from Florida

Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days

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