the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
wanna go halves on a baby?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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