Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
