You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
