I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize