lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
