I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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