I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Randomize
