No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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