garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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