Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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