honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Randomize
