fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize