When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
