If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
