his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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